Evidence that forgiveness is the best revenge for others and gift to yourself

Lurching back in anger at those that hurt you does not give you power.

Never has, never will. Sorry.

Now that doesn’t mean you allow things to go on as they were?

No, of course not.

You can move forward from the experience with forgiveness, clarity, and truth into better things.

Yea, yea yea. But what does that look like?

Process for moving forward after hurt and trauma

  1. Acknowledge what happened and live in the feeling.
  2. After validating yourself and accepting the feelings, recall the event with facts and details. As many as you can remember.
  3. Piece together the facts, aside form your feelings and access what happened.
  4. Now that you have the facts in order without feelings clouding judgement…

What is the best logical way you can stop this from happening again?

  1. Once you have this, write the overarching name of your solution down on a piece of paper.
  2. Below the name of the solution write this sentence, or something close, underneath.

“The way I feel about this is real. And I am moving forward with peace and knowledge. I validate my hurt and pain by having the strength and clarity to make sure that it doesn’t happen again and I do not punish myself any longer.”

If you feel the urge to scream or cry as you write this, let it happen and be free of judgment.

In this moment forgive yourself for causing yourself internal pain from someone else’s reflection of pain onto you. Take as long as you need.

  1. An inch or two below that sentence, think of 3-5 main things that prevent what happened from reoccurring? These can be abstract as you want them to be.
  2. For each of these 5 things, think of 3 or more ways you could work toward this in daily life. Keep in mind there is no “small” things; as it heals and moves toward a solution, it is a big step.
  3. Continue to breakdown your goals as much as you feel you must.

Voila!

You have drafted a framework to move forward and fix a painful huge problem in your life.

You have literally moved a mountain out of your life.

The power within you makes the earth rejoice for you. 😊

*** Important Tidbit:

Do not judge yourself for not knowing how to fix it back then, you were doing the best you could at the time. That guilt is all released and finished now.

 

Once you are at this point, you can begin enacting your master plan.

I have no doubt you will be stunned at how much this improves your inner world. This framework for action will also improve your relationship with the external world, something that suffers greatly as a result of trauma and pain.

You will first hand experience the quote “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look will being to change.”

You being in a better more peaceful state of working toward fixing your painful situation, will transform the way that you solve other problems as well. You will no longer be living in a labyrinth of pain and sorrow and reactivity.

You have taken your power back into your own hands. A big responsibility, but one you can handle.

You have forgiven, developed a solution, and have moved on into power, action and peace.

But what about the other person……………..

Well to be honest, it’s not about them and it never has been, not even internally with you. Even though it was them that cause the pain, you often internalize the shame of the pain that was not even your fault.

Even though you’ve moved on, it is normal to ask what will happen to the other party. It’s ok.

The victory over them and over the pain, is the internal forgiveness and clarity of an outward solution.

Here are 6 concrete reasons why forgiveness is the best revenge of all to the malicious party as well as the pain that continues to harm you long after.

 

  1. You no longer need validation for how you feel

Get into it:

Name some situation that made you question who you are? Even though that was a long time ago, does it still steal your time and thoughts?

The real question:

Why do you need permission to feel?

 

  1. You do not engage in their “game” anymore. You see things for what they are.

Get into it:

Think of things, or situations that you know are bad, but you continuously do them? Why do you feel you have to consistently put yourself in that pain or in that danger?

The real question:

Why would you make yourself willingly suffer if you know the truth and the solution?

 

  1. You will find the peace they can never find

Get into it:

Think of someone who reaches out to others to cause pain? Will they ever be happy for find peace that way? Or even stop having to do that to others?

The real question:

When you know you have given your all and tried all within your power, doesn’t that give you rest even if it didn’t work out? Is that internal personal satisfaction important to you?

 

  1. You will be the truth that their façade will never have

Get into it:

Think of a person who smiles in your face and later showed jealous and malicious behavior later? Why would they act like something they are not?

The real question:

Doesn’t genuineness, originality, and honestly draw more people of the same way to you? Doesn’t that give you indescribable confidence to be loved and appreciated for who you actually are?

 

  1. Others will respect and love you in a way that no one can with them

Get into it:

Think of someone that acted nice, but you felt an immense strangeness about it. IT wasn’t something you could see and put your finger on, but you felt it. Even if that person had never done anything to you, isn’t it hard to bond with that person because you are unsure of energetically what is going on?

The real question:

Letting past experiences and energies suck the life from you steals your radiance from living with others in the present. Doesn’t being genuine and involved make those around you are more open to opportunities, and connections with you?

 

Conclusion

It is normal to want to rage against the pain and unjust things that have happened to you, but by reacting without thinking is blinding you to an even bigger solution.

The steps mentioned above are going to allow you to validate your own feelings and who you are. From there they will take you on a journey of clarity, self discovery, and taking action to help yourself and possibly others.

The six enormous benefits to this are listed above as to why this is so important and rewarding.

You must understand that you are the key to your own solution. You don’t need anyone.

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Much love peace and happiness.

 

Credit for featured Image: Markus Gebauer

How do you learn and teach the power of forgiveness to yourself and others?

You feel crippled and crushed by the pain someone else caused you.

The pain feels so bad that you have the urge to reach forth in anger and strike. You now intend to cause the same pain you felt. You believe that will validate your hurt.

Loved ones, this is the exact opposite of the truth.

Hurting them will not alleviate your pain and suffering, because pain is not the solution to pain. It never has been.

Or maybe you’re more low-key. You don’t try to go out and hurt that person, you just hold the pain and hurt until it festers into resentment and anger.

Instead of lashing out, you internalize the feeling and attempt to bury them. This is equally as bad.

Lets explain the effects of both paths.

Outward Violence Internalization/Resentment
·         Does not relieve any internal pressure

·         Often cause harm to uninvolved people

·         Releases bad energy onto others that always comes back to you eventually.

·         Makes you feel pain for causing others pain, even if they did it to you first.

·         Internally makes you feel just like the person who hurt your originally

·         Makes it harder to develop yourself and evolve because you are fixated on past occurrences and setbacks

·         Forces you to cover up open emotional wounds. Dividing you from alignment and peace.

·         Internalized pain bleeds into other parts of your life, making everything unhappy.

·         Creates a void in you that makes you feel incomplete, lost, and depressed

·         Loss of energy thinking about a bad situation consciously and subconsciously.

·         Past hurt blinding you to your future possibilities.

 

It is clear both of these paths lead to internal and external misery.

But what is next?

You. You are human just as all others. Meaning you already have the answer. You already know how to move forward.

Logically, and internally you know the next logical step is to forgive and move on. It’s the only way to stop giving away your power and grow.

The way to learn how to forgive is to understand what it is to be conscious, human, and to love.

But how do you do that? Especially if you are blinded by anger?

By seeking understanding your conscious relationship with yourself, others, and the world around you, you will open the door to your ability to forgive.

Now forgiveness does not excuse bad behavior, or mean that you just allow someone keep hurting you.

What forgiveness means it that you will accept the past, no longer give them or the situation your energy, and swiftly lovingly move on to the next step for you.

 

Below there are 6 ways to learn forgiveness through 6 simple exercises of internal reflection. Only by looking at yourself will you no longer see rash causes and effects; you finally see the whole picture through understanding and clarity.

By seeing the whole picture, you can use the principles of universal love and joy, to teach yourself how to forgive.

Not for them but for you, so that you can release yourself from the chains on you.

The 6 Exercises have the theoretical purpose then the exercise below to get you thinking and analyzing.

  1. Dishonesty, even with the best intentions, is still lying. Balance the two in yourself and in others.

Exercise: Think of a time you said softened the truth not to hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t change what happened, but you know you meant the best. How does that make you feel?

Mantra: I am equally honest, truthful and gentle.

  1. Everyone has that thing that takes them over the edge. Can you judge them for it?

Exercise: Think of what triggers you and why? How do you live with these? How do you forgive yourself if you snap.

Mantra: My past hurt will not impact my present and future.

  1. More often than not, some bad circumstances have great outcomes.

Exercise: Think about a time something horrible happened, but something good came at the end.

Mantra: Everything is always working out for me.

  1. Everyone has shortcomings, it doesn’t make them inhuman or incomplete.

Exercise: Think about all of the things you wish you could do better. Do you still accept yourself anyways?

Mantra: Imperfection does not mean incompleteness.

  1. Somethings can be out of anyone’s control. Learn to live with that and don’t play the blame game.

Exercise: Think of a situation you went into with best intensions, but it still didn’t work out.

Mantra: I change what I can and understand what I cannot.

  1. People can only enact what they are taught in most cases. Be considerate of a person’s background.

Exercise: Think of something that weighs heavy on your soul. Does it give you a bias against certain things and situations?

Mantra: My emotions and logic are equal and in balance.

 

Conclusion

Staying angry does 5 main things:

  • Steals your energy
  • Gives more anxiety and stress
  • Pinches you off from internal love and peace
  • Affects your ability to think clearly
  • Robs you of your self love/value

Staying angry is hard. But forgiveness is easy! You do it with yourself everyday and you already know how to. Treat others as if they are another side to you; with care and understanding.

You, and others, are doing the best they can with what they have. They are people, not flat 2-D cardboard cut outs.

If someone is continuously out to hurt you, forgive them still because the pain inside them has to tearing them up for them to be willing to keep trying to validate their pain by inflicting it on you.

But one more thing……

Just as you forgive others, forgive yourself for

  • Takes time to forgive
  • Allowing the painful situation to even occur

Remember that we are all a part of each other and more alike than we are different.

Through forgiving and understanding, you and others will receive clarity and peace.

Much love, peace, and happiness to you.

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